Part 22

I woke up the next day with a very cute position of sleeping next to him,,, I was sleeping on my stomach and luckly the "drip" was on my left hand, he was sleeping on his back, my head was on his chest, i woke up by the site of my mohter covering us up cause it was chilly... why were they so good to me? my parents? they have been here for 3 weeks straight, they didnt travel for work,, and my sisters Leena and Rula havent showed up though, Ive seen Rula once, a week ago, and Faisaal!! he came over every morning and everynight, he slept over twice and he always got my starbux:) i love him!



Me: mama





Mama: ha mama, you woke up 7abebty?





Me: ya mama





Mama: 3asa ma ga3adtich!!





Me: no mama, its ok...





Mama: ok 7abebty ga9rai your voice, Jassem nayem, w he hasnt been sleeping for so long...





WHY ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT HIM LIKE THEY KNOW HIM THAT WELL, OR THAT THEY CARE! OR THAT THEY KNOW WHAT HE HAS DONE TO ME?! i ignored her comment.





Me: mama! wain my brothers, and wain baba?





Mama: well 7abebty, baba nayem bel bait, he has been trying to go back and forth to 2 hospitals, and since Jassem nayem 3indich, Rula nayma 3ind Leena and faisal is comming in a while...





Me: mama laish 2 hospitals (i had a tear in my eye)





Mama: 9ertai 5alah mama





She gave me the biggest smile ever, OMG OMG im an aunt!!

Part 21

Me: Baby!! noo, noo 7abeeby noo don't go!!


J: I'm not going anywhere


Me: Jasoomi I need you! Don't leave me!


J: 7abeebty ana mawjood


He said it with so much sympathy and touched my hand as I cried and screamed my way out of my coma... I opened my eyes to find him with a broken shoulder on my left side, holding my hand, and I turned to find my father sitting on my right side looking at me…


Baba: hadai 7abeebty, 7a9al 5air, kahou Jassim yamich…


Me: Baba minu hatha (I moved my hand right out of Jassim's hand)?


Baba: Jassim ya ooboi, Jassim


Me: La baba Jasoomi died


I cried so much and started to scream hysterically, it took me time to figure out who everyone was again… the day I recognized Jassim, I was relived, hurt, shocked and confused. I heard him die, he died! I'm sure he did! I wasn’t fanaticizing but I heard him say "2a,,shh,,hd, 2aan, laa el,aah, ela, alaa"… It was him, was it...? I still couldn’t get the fact that he was still living… this took nearly 3 weeks, I had memory loss..

Baba came in on the second week claiming Jassem yah 5e6abny the day the accident happened… all I could think of was him and Hala and them together,, I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore, I was over it…


I woke up on Tuesday of week 3 at 1:30am to find the room pitch black… it was dark and scary, yet I felt comfortable… I turned and found Jassim sitting on the chair next to me leaning his head asleep on my bed, holding my hand with his left hand, and his other hand was broken… I couldn’t see him like this,,, it hurt more…

Me: Jasoomi… baby… 7abeeby…

I tried waking him up slowly so he wouldn’t get frightened… I stroke his hair back so he would wake up calmly…


Jassem: Yea honey, shenu baba whats wrong tell me baby, aamrai (he jumped up)


Me: goum naam up next to me, you don’t look comfortable!


Jassem: la la e5thay ra7tich 7ubi


Me: Jassem.


He looked so dizzy, his eyes were puffed and he was drooling…


Jassem: Hmmm babatii?


Me: yala ta3al


I gave him half a smile


He got up and turned to my right side so I wouldn’t get bothered by his broken hand, I scooted for him and he laid down, he played with my hair with his muscular left hand…


Jassem: did your father tell you eny 5e6abtich?


Me: yea…


Please don’t start!!!


Jassem: you know why I did that?


Me: because you feel bad for what you did? And you love me?


Jassem: Other than that baby,,, I wanted to be next to you ib your bad times and how was I suppose to represent myself in front of your family? I wanted to be next to you all the time, ana abe asaa3dich tashfeen….


Oddly while he kept talking the medicine kicked in an I fell asleep…

*Clarification *

Part 18.. J commented
J never had the chance to explain things before, but he sent me a msg asking me if that blog was me and i told him it was so he thought he should comment..
I'm sure some of you are like NO WAY HE IS DEAD, well no he isnt,, and I'm sure the other half is like "lol she probably told someone to write it" but Wil ka3ba ina he wrote it and messaged me telling me he is going to write "j" infront of what he is going to say since he couldnt answer that day he wanted to answer now jidam kilam...
I promise you , and u could ask Jana, she knows,, sorry for the Inconvenience;*

Part 20

When I got to my car, I put the seatbelt on put my head on the steering wheel and wept… I wanted him, he was mine not hers! He is mine! He loved me wallah he did, why did he say all that? I heard a knock on my window, I turned to find him, with tears filling his eyes…

J: ba6lai

Me: waaa5er!

J: ba6lai the door I want to talk to u

Me: move! Go to Hala I hate you!

J: baby I know it isn’t from your heart..

I drove out of the parking and drove home so fast, I was driving on 130km/hr 3al ba7ar I needed him I wanted him. My eyes were full of tears and everything was so blurry in my eyes. I felt my heart pound fast, I hated the state I was in, all I needed was to get back home and cry forever…

Phone call J

Missed call J

1 new message unread

Phone call J

Missed call J

Phone call J

J: 5afefay! Ana warach stop now! I want to tell you something,

I looked to the back from the left side mirror, he was right behind me, I threw my phone on to the passenger seat and I heard him scream louder and louder... The car in front of me stopped instantly I turned to the left lane then crashed... the last thing I heard was…

J: Stoooop stooooooop! Lamaa take care…..

Moments later I woke up; it took me time to realize what has happened and the pain I was in… I started screaming, I needed help, men started to help me out of the car, they tried hard, by the time they did I heard sirens I was slowly getting dizzy and started fainting again when I heard...

Man: SHAAHED SHAAHED,, GOUL ASHHAD ANA LA ELAHA ELA ALLAH

J: 2a,,shh,,hd, 2aan, laa el,aah, ela, alaa

Man: ina lilah w ina ilayhe raje3oon… tewafa

Everything was black…

Part 19

I ran out of starbux not wanting anyone else to see me cry, before I got to the door he held my arm real tight till he turned me to face him…

J: ana yaay agoulich eny I'm getting married to Hala (then he looked down)

Me: HALA! HALA! Min mita u knew her! Why didn’t you tell me

Screaming, thankfully it was totally empty.

J: hadai let's talk about it

Me: mooooove

SCREEEEEEEAAAAMING!

Me: I hate u! I hate u!

Then I collapsed into his arms, he carried me with his strong arms and sat me up. I was crying so much, I couldn’t stop, my throat hurt I wanted to die at the moment! He was getting married and to MY BEST FRIEND! How could they?! She had M!!!

Me: I'm not a game! You promised me!

J: first of all lama I wanted to see what you were going to say today, if it was a yes, we would have been together, but it isn’t so we aren’t, and I didn’t want you to hear it from people I wanted to tell you myself. Hala and I have been dating since these 4 months, we started to develop feelings and mostly the last 2 months when we were on a beak and we love each other a lot and I think she is the one. But I couldn’t let you go because I made you go through so much, and she couldn’t let M go since kisar 5a6erha, he loved her too much. And we promised each other that we would put you guys bil maw8if when we r getting married. The only reason I proposed is because I felt bad for you, I hit you! And the whole "starbux" thing was Hala's idea to scare you off, but u didn’t, you held on. Bas the day I hit you was because 5eft 3alaich! I didn’t want you to do something stupid, I felt responsible for you since your parents were never there.

I was shocked, my eyes opened wide!

Me: cheated on me you asshole?! And on M!!! you assss! You shouldn’t feel bad for me! You should feel bad for your fucked up mind ya 7maaaar! Fuck you and Hala, the starbux thing! Do you know that I could be closed with my family if it wasn’t for you, w et6egny ba3ad, you're not responsible for shit! You cried yourself to sleep when you were drunk in the chalet you bastard! Remember that?! I'm sure you don’t!

J: baby I loved you so much honey, and yea I recall that, and I hoped you didn’t remember, and baby hatha 3agle il ba6eny ga3d yetkalam cause that’s all I think of! How and why I fell out of love with you. I loved you so much! Why did I loose or that love?! Hala isn’t half as good as you, but I guess that’s who my heart chose next baby.. I'm sorry.

Me: Never mind all you said. I'm happy for you

I want going to show him I'm weak anymore! he doesn’t deserve it! I stood up, smiled, went over to him leaned till my lips were to his ear, and whispered…

Me: I thought you were going to say happy 4th anniversary. Bye bye.

I walked out of there so strong now, why would I need him anymore. when I gave him that speech I still wanted him to come back running so I can go back feeling stronger, but I guess that’s not how that game is played. He sat in his place wondering what the date was, then remembered that it was their 4th anniversary and he never forgot. What happened to him, he became the carless guy that just lost the best thing that ever happened to him and the guy that was going to marry Hala, the girl he barely knew (he did lie to Lama), and their parents are forcefully making them get married. Since their parents claimed they were too old and they had to be for each other. Everything he said that day was a lie. He did cry for lama, he still loved her, but he couldn’t stand in the way of his dad.

J: ana asef 7abeebty kil 3aam w entail b5air (he whispered to himself)

Part 18 *7ubna Kan A7la Qee9a*

Me: Baby you know what you mean to me, inta marait weyay ib kil throofe el 9a3ba w el sahla, ely tza3el w ely twanes, w ana ib kil 7ayatii ma 7asait eb wanasa ily w ana weyak w gereeba minik, 7eta remember all our small fights *hehe* and the big ones... no one had our love baby, Inta tadree ena your my baby, my man, my love, I can't live one day without you. Enta te7amaltny IB 3a9abeety w za3aly w dala3y w marathe w no one could handle me w I know that! w ham ana te7amaltek eb 3a9abeetek w kilshai feek, w te8abalta w a8bela w a7ebek... *tearing, chocking on tear* lou alif il 3alam kilaha wallah ya J ina ma alga rayal methlek, yehtam feeny, ywanesny, ydali3ny, w 7eta yefthaly... kil our thekrayaat ma agdar ansaha w I always think about them (Bektob ismak ya 7abeeby...) w (keeefak all 3am be2oolou) w our favorite (Ba6amenak)… u think eny nesait or ra7 ansa the days we sang them together aw the days we had so much fun, aw the days we would talk on the phone for hours, or laugh for hours for no reason... Enta sheftny bel zain w el shain, w I didn't care. e3tebartek raylee, ana a7ebek bas il hawa thedna! ne7taaj neftereg, I don't want that, bas I can't 7abeeby, you know shenu ga3d y9eer feene al7een, *crying* I can't live without you baby I want you in my life bas i cant have you baby chenek shay 7elw w il kil mani3ne mina! your my drug baby wedy kilman ygoulina "be together" aw "allah ywafigkum", bas thats not going to happen and Hala explained that to me ams, baby i dont care about people, bas ana met3alga feek now lai daraja eny amshe w kil ily afaker feeh enta 7eta bil jam3a, aw lama ashoof a guy I'm always like, J a7san! J a7la, J awnas, and to me u r baby! *crying more* baby my throat is hurting, a7es roo7y mi5tanga, mu cause of this, cause you don't deserve me leaving you like this, I know you will be a better guy later, a7san min al7een, bas shasawee ana akthar min ely sawaita, I'm still trying baby I'm not going to let go, I love u J, you are malee! forever 9aa7??? I'm sorry I have to leave you, 7ayati tektemel feek w it revolves around you, even when i want to sleep i have to hear your stories w agoom 3ala 9ootek w talk to u the whole day... now ma 3indi a7ad,,, wallah mu hatha ely abeeh w wallah mu thanbi bas 6ela3 min eedy il mawthoo3, a7ebek baby, don't forget me, w as I promised, I'm never taking off the ring, forever J;* bye 7ubi...

Part 17

Me: aloo

J: I need to see you!

Me: laish mu daag min ra8mek?

J: cause you won't answer! I have something to tell u

I noticed his temper get higher

Me: getlek a7taaj wagt!

J: I gave you enough time. Ta3aalai wela I'm coming!

Me: inzain where? And when tabee?

J: starbux now!

I couldn't answer him, I wanted to say yes but I had too much in mind. When I closed the phone I got up from the living room couch and to my surprise my mother was standing behind me.

Mama: menu hatha?

I was speechless, how can I lie? I have never lied to her! Even if I wanted to how could I?! It was obvious I was talking to a guy! So from all the days and moments, NOW she comes back from her trip?!

Me: my friend

Mama: w wain ray7atla? W shfee wayhich all bruised up?

At that moment I couldn't resist, the blood ran through my body life fire, my face turned red and I was ready to burst. I needed to talk to mama but I couldn't tell her the whole truth. Mama was so open minded but she didn't like lies.

Me: mama I talk to this guy and we love each other and mama he proposed w baroo7 agoula itha I want him to let his father talk to you or not! That's all mama!!

I cried my heart out

Mama: that's all?

Me: yea, kaah the ring (which I was wearing)

Mama: so u have decided?

Me: yea mama I want him!! I love him

Mama: w shfeeh wayhich

Me: I fell

Mama: shfeeeh wayhich (in an angrier voice, as if she knew)

Me: he hit me

Mama: he did?

Me: yea mama

mama: I don't want to ask why mama because I wouldn't want to be asked that question if I was in your place, you're a 21 year old woman, Ana ma ra7 agdar a7meech forever and since you gave him the jur2a to do it, I can't intrude except if you want me to. Mama Hatha he won't stop hitting u, leave him mama! You don't need him...

And she went on and on talking and I stayed there listening closely, mama made me stronger, she was right, and I could face him now! Tell him that I don't want him, she is right he wouldn't stop hitting me! And he would probably fall out of love. But I love him

Mama: mama make your decision and go tell him that, and I'm going to stand next to you no matter what. (She gave me a big kiss on my forehead)

I changed into something pretty, because if I wanted to leave him I should do it with style I thought. I wore this pretty white knee length dress a brown cardigan, flats; put my hair down, and a big channel bag. When I got there I messaged him telling him I was there. He told me to go upstairs. I did. I found him there, sitting on the right table, with my coffee ready for me. I loved him, he knew me to well.

J: lama hi, baby we need to talk...

Me: no j stop. I need to talk and you need to listen...

Part 16 the engagement;*

J told me to close my eyes and promise I wasn't going to open them, which I did. then he told me to open them and when I did, I found him standing with the balloons over my head and the bear and flower were in his right hand, he placed them on my bed next to me then whet down on one knee and held my right hand with both of his big hands.

J: baby, I know I have done a lot of things to make you hate me and want to get away from me. BS la t7asbeen eny ma a7ebech, ana amoot 3alaich, your my diamond, your my life, you remind me of my mom and that's what I love most about you. And yea, I love you. W a'3aar 3alaich, the way no one else would! Baby you complete me, and I'll do anything you want! And I promise, tenkiser eedy wala ena amidha 3alaich again, (he let go of my hand and held out a small Chopard box). Lama al flani, would you marry me, and be the mother of my children? I promise I will cherish you forever and never hurt you or let a tear run down your cheeks, I love you baby, please say yes!!! (His eyes were amazing; this was unexpected of my bad boy!!)

Me: I don't know what to say. (I really didn't!)

J: say anything!!!

Me: ill need time to think about this...

J: ok baby take as much time as you need!! (He seemed so eager)

Me: time away from you to figure things out.

J: anything you need baby, bs I have to call check up on you!

Me: that's fine with me.

He wanted to jump up and down and scream, even though I didn't say yes but as long as I said "I'll think about it" was enough for him!

The next couple of weeks were a blur... I don't remember much... except for him calling every once and awhile i would answer, and most of the days i wouldn't. I didn't go out much yet Jana and Sara came over a lot, we enjoyed our "Girl Time" together!! We watched movies, ate ice-cream, played karaoke, and ordered take out! The bruises took time to wear off but they eventually did. I didn't really give time to think about J or of what I wanted.

A couple of days later, I got a call... 667*****

Part 15 (Lama's side of the story)

I woke up!

J: baba goomai, 7abeebty, goomai ya 3omri (he said it with a loving and comforting voice)

I opened my eyes and I found him sitting on his knew, playing with my hair and holding my hand with the other. I didn’t feel like moving, and I didn’t feel like talking either! I wanted to stay in my dreams. I enjoyed it there.

Me: hmm?

J: 7abeebty wake up, tra nazel dam (he said it as if he was scared of me and of my reaction)Me: OMG! MOOOVE! GO OUT NOW!!!!!!! (I was screaming! how embarrassing)I knew it was my period because I was still a virgin, and because every time I was shocked or scared a lot I would get my period. I was expecting it in a few days anyways. But it was so embarrassing with him here he was it, the blood.

J: wallah many hadich w entail tanzifeen, ta3alai ma3ai el 7amaam!

I slowly got up with him even though I didn’t want to and I felt hurt. But I just gave up to him, he took me to the bathroom slowly undressed me. I was shocked that the blood didn’t bother him. I couldn’t undress myself I was going to fain for all I knew and my blood pressure was sinking. I got into the shower and opened the water to a warm temperature. I washed up my hair with my blue Herbal Essences shampoo, then washed it off, applied the conditioner, then washed it off again. Then I put my lush body soap on my leaf and scrubbed my body well! When I was done I closed the water and heard him rush back into the bathroom, I got out of the tub, I felt dizzy.

He wrapped the towel on my body and hair. He carried me to my bed. He changed it! I felt my heart fall for that. He knew exactly what to do! The ballons were very nice, the flowers were too but why were they thrown of the floor with the other bunch of things.He got me my underwear and dressed me up again slowly touching my body with his colder hands everywhere. I guess they were cold now because my body was really hot. I needed kotex before I started to bleed again. I had to ask him to get me some. I didn’t have to strength to get them myself. The bathroom seemed so far at the moment.

Me: J

J: 3yooon J! intai amrai bas!

Me: aby always please (OMG embarrassing!! Bas it ok its J!)

J: always bel jawane7He cracked up, I found it amusing that he would laugh in an awkward time.

He just didn’t want me to feel embarrassed that’s all I guess. I didn’t bother to even smile.

Me: go into the bathroom it's in the top drawer.

As soon as he was gone I smiled.

He went into the bathroom got me the "always" and handed it over to me. I stood up slowly loosing balance once or twice. He held me up while I put it on. Then when I was done he placed me back on my bed slowly…

Part 14 (Lama's side of the story)

**J and I were both sitting on the couch in my room. Watching the T.V., I was changing the channels and I wanted to find a romantic story, something that would make me cry. He was just bothering me!

Me: move I hate you

J: I'm not going anywhere I want to have you forever

Me: J move, I don’t want to be with u, I don’t want you to hug me, go away! (Teasing him)

J: You want me to stop? fine! Just give me a big kiss on my lips

Me: no!

J: yees!! (Grinning)

Me: nooo move (laughing at his grinning)

J: if you don’t then I'll come and get it!! (Teasing me)

Me: mmmmmmmmmmmmwah, ok?!

J: ok baby just one more thing

Me: hmm?

J: tickling tiiiiime (laughing!!)

Me: (laughing) fine I love you!

He stops tickling me. He looked at me till both our eyes met, and his lips were so close to mine till we were breathing into each other's lips. His breathe tasted so well, I just wanted to jump on him and do it, but he didn’t seem that eager.

J: are you serious? (His eyes tearing up)

Me: about what?! (Very concerned)

J: about loving me? After all I have put you through

Me: yes I do, it ok baby (confused and still concerned)

J: ok

He took his warm muscular hand of my stomach and gathered his belongings walked away, then turned to look at me one more time. He left the room angry, mad, sad and doubtful. I looked at him slowly leaving. My eyes started to tear, I burst out crying. But I couldn’t call him back or run after him to know the reasons behind his actions.

I stopped crying and turned to the T.V. to continue looking for a movie instantly. I was like a robot! Then I saw something from the corner of my eye, it was him standing in the doorway, I smiled and so did he, he came closer threw his things on the couch came close to my face his lips were in front of mine, our eyes met I felt him undress me with his eyes and hands. His manly hands slowly took my shirt off and his lips kissed my neck slowly. He gently sucked on my neck then it hurt more, but it was still pleasurable. He slowly put his right hand on my left breast and … **

Part 13 (Lama's side of the story)

I felt someone next to me turn and fuss, oh, it was J! I was so hurt, and my bruises killed me! It hurt to move, but I had to since the place I slept over killed me already. I turned over to the most comfortable place I could sleep on… I gave out moans of discomfort and hurt.

All I could think about was why did he do this to me, was he drunk? What if he has killed me! It's not a joke at all. Bs I know he isn’t that kind of guy, what got into him! I don’t care! I just hope all the bruises go before mama comes back from Paris! I felt a kiss on my forehead, and fell back asleep right away.*3 hours past*

I woke up not knowing where J went or why… he was my man no matter what he did! I needed him to be next to me and take care of me! That all I had at the moment, him. What if he ran away again! Tears started running down my cheeks they were so warm. I realized the emptiness I was in, I just needed him to be there with me!
I held my phone wondering if I would call asking where he went or ignoring him?! I decided to ignore him and answer the msg my mom sent the day before.

To mama: Hi mama I miss you so much! And I can't wait till your back! When are you coming back btw?? How's baba and when is he coming back, I'm alright I just miss being with you… get me everythingJ I love you bye.

I need to get up to wash my body, I'm too tiered, and I can't! I'm so hungry! I'm craving the chocolate bar pink pasta, and then I remembered that I have told the driver the day before to get my chocolate bar and I never got it. I took my phone and dialed the maid's number…

Maid: hello!

Me: where is my chocolate bar?!

Maid: this the one driver bring lama?!

Me: yes, he brought it yesterday!

Maid: no lama! I knock door for you and you not answer, and then food become cold and then I put in oven until you wake up, and den dis J come and he go in your room, I think no she will not eat and haraam we tro so I eat dis but I leave the chocolate. U want I tell da driver to bring more?

Me: (smiling) No its fine, if you want you can eat the chocolate. Ok I want to go back to sleep, don't let anyone come in ok?

I threw my phone on the other side of the bed and went back to sleep.

sorry;*

Hey everyone, im sorry to cut you guys off short, but im not planning on continuing my blog anymore, due to the comments that have been put from a couple of readers. im so sorry;* i love you all... and if u want i can give u my last part, telling u what happened in a summerized way..
love u all, just decide and let me know ,, bye bye;**

Part 15

S: wallah ena what your doing isn’t right, you just hit the girl nearly to death, and now you decide to marry her faj2a?!

J: ya5ii a7ebha! What wrong with you? Don’t you want me to be happy?! (His voice got louder as he spoke this time) I didn’t mean to hit her, it just happened and she'll understand!

S: ya thakee, you don’t do that without both of your parents talk and decide that!

J: my dad isn’t going to say no, I don’t care, I want her! I won't let her leave me I'm getting her!

J didn’t really think about what his friend was telling him, it was surely not going to work! They didn’t even discuss it with the parents, he doesn’t know if he wants her or if he doesn’t. He had mixed feelings, he wanted her as if she was his drug, and without taking her he wouldn’t live, yet he knew he won't stop hurting her. J should have listened to his friend, he knew better and he didn’t want to see J, or Lama hurt. They grew up together since they were 12, so he knew J the most.

J: mashy mashy yala ana busy akalmik later!

S: ok yal 7abeeb shouf shey9eer weyaak then tell me

J: ok.. Ok

J started wondering about what he was doing, was it right? Or wrong? He didn’t quite know!! Well he decided that he would go for it, after all he wanted her close to him now more than ever. When he got there, to her house, he snuck in through the "secret door" into her room; He was holding the flowers and balloons with his right hand, her engagement ring and the bear and chocolates all in his left hand. He slowly opened the door not wanting to disturb her in case she was sleeping, as he entered he found her still sleeping on her bed, but it didn’t look the same. She looked awful, she was all bruised up, with blood all over her cover, and no one has come into her room to realize. She was bleeding, it wasn’t from her nose, it was from somewhere lower. J freaked out! He rushed in placing everything on the floor not to ruin anything and he didn’t want to wake her up… the balloons rose to the ceiling. He went up to her bed to find out what this was from.

She's a virgin I'm sure, why is there blood! OMG, think straight. I shouldnt scare her, yallah kaah slowly!!

He went up to her head and sat on his knees, he played with her hair with his right hand and held her hand with the other… he felt like he had smashed a beautiful soul. The soul that was so bright the day they met, the girl that laughed all the time and joked around all the time, she was priceless diamond, what has he done to her?

J: baba goomai, 7abeebty, goomai ya 3omri (he said it with a loving and comforting voice)

Lama: hmm?

J: 7abeebty wake up, tra nazel dam (he said it as if he was scared of her and of her reaction)

Lama: OMG OMG! MOOOVE! GO OUT NOW!!!!!!! (She said it screaming! She felt embarrassed)

Every time something scared her she got her period, just like the time she had a car accident, she was so shocked she got it, so she guessed that this would have been the same.

J: wallah many hadich w entail tanzifeen, ta3alai ma3ai el 7amaam!

He slowly carried her into the bathroom, and undressed her slowly and delicately, then as she took a shower he rushed and called the maids, explained what happened, and told them to change the covers. Then he stood in the bathroom with a similar towel he had, and as soon as she was done he covered her up so she wouldn’t take a cold.

Did she notice the things I got, naaah she was too distracted by the blood! Man I love her! Look at that body, she is just breath taking even when she's all bruised up, uff yeg6a3 eedy!:@
He carried her to her bed and gently put her there, he was stunned by how she said nothing the whole time.

He got her underwear and dressed her up again slowly touching her toned bronze body.

Lama: J

J: 3yooon J! intai amrai bas!

Lama: never mind, ill get it..

Part 14

This post is dedicated to my lovely friend, sister, soul, and weirdo Jana, I love you so much honey!!! And you called me begging for a post even though I really need to sleep, so I wrote you a little one and I'm going back to bed, take care honey;***

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He got home, J parked his car behind his father's crème color Bentley coupé, he rang the bell till the maids opened the door, he left everything in the car rushing into his room, he quickly took off his shirt, shorts, slippers, and headed into the bathroom, opened the water till it was warm to the point the bathroom was full of steam, he enjoyed it that way because his muscles would warm up and relax, he applied some of his Escada shower gel on the torques sponge she got him when they shopped at Body Shop a month ago, he scrubbed his whole body from neck to toe slowly, he wanted to look clean and smell good, so he scrubbed every detail of his body till his body was full of white bubbly foam, he later threw the sponge on the rack and applied Nobel shampoo on his head and scrubbed real hard as if he was trying to rub of all the shit he did in the past two days and forget about it as if it was going to wash away. He rinsed his hair till the soap was all gone and rinsed his body applying water everywhere; as soon as he was done his smell was mesmerizing, he covered his body using a big baby purple towel and went over to the sink to wash his teeth, gargled then combed his hair back, He then applied his Gillette shaving foam all over his face, then took his shaver and started to shave till he just had a gifil and a tafla, he then washed of the foam from his face and applied his Polo Black after shave to refresh his skin… he really wanted to look perfect for the big day, he expected it to be perfect!

I will never hit her again, I will never get mad at her again, if she pisses me of to my final point I won't think of getting mad or touching her, she's my baby girl, the girl that loved me and would do anything for me, Uhh I'm hating myself so much right now!

He rushed into his cupboard wore his Dolce and Gabbana boxers, and his black Burberry blouse, it looked so decent, he rose the collar of his blouse so that it looked nice with his hair, and the Burberry print on the inside of the collar would stand out, he wore his dark blue John Paul Gaultier jeans, and his Gucci shoes, which he rarely wore!! He kept them for special occasions; they were black with beige and white lines on each side. When he was done he combed his hair back again and put on his light blue dolce cologne, as soon as he was done he went into his father's room to get the Bentley's car key, he knew that if his dad found out he had taken it he would literally kill him, because the last time he took it he had an mini accident.

He called one of the maids to help him take all the things from the Porsche to the Bentley; he rode his dad's car and drove passionately, he counted the minutes to get to her house… He soon called his best friend S, S was hotter than J was but he played around with a lot of girls and didn’t really believe in "commitment". "It's all a piece of shit" S always said, "you can get everything you want without marriage, it just takes away the sparks when you're committed!" Anyways, he was informed the whole story, detailed by J, S was shocked!

S: YANAAAIT? And now you're going to purpose?! You're crazy!

J: A7IIIIIIIIIIIBHA YA NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!! I'm deeply in love with this girl! Mit3aleg feeha!

Part 13 (J's plan!!)

J opened each eye to find himself sleeping on his right side with both legs bent into his chest, his right hand was under the pillow and the other was between his thighs, he slowly straightened his legs till they touched the end of the bed, he started to think about what happened the night before..

How could I have done this? Hurt Lama! My Lama, my baby, my life, my soul?! How could I? I went too far this time! I'm sure I lost her for good, I regret this! I fucking regret this! WHAT DID I DO?! What’s wrong with me! Since when did I start hitting her?! I wasn’t drunk! And I'm surely not that kind of guy! Should I leave then come back with my dad and propose? Naah not after what happened, she wouldn’t want me, and I have to make it up to her first! She would want something different something shockingly great..

He felt her move, he could feel her pain, and she gave an unpleasant moan indicating the hurt she felt, his heart hurt when he heard her! He felt like needles were piercing into it! He wished he was the one getting hurt not her!

Minu ana ely asawee feeha chethy? Who do I think I am! I'm going to make it up to her and fast! I hope she doesn’t wake up soon!

Just like that J turned and looked at her while she was sleeping, gave her a simple kiss on her forehead, he looked around for his keys and found them next to the door, the L.V. keychain she got him was broken from the pressure of the hit it got against the wall, the night before, he took 4 minutes looking for his phone, then remembered he left it in the car, he then took his other phone, wore his TOD'S slippers and unlocked the door, listened for a while to know if anyone was home, told the maids he was leaving then comming back later, (the maids knew they couldnt say any of what happened to any family member since they raised her they knew everything about her, and accepted Lama's decision into keeping things between them no matter how hard and crazy it would get) J got out of the house, from the door no one in Lama's family ever used, he got into the car and drove off to the ba8ala to get a redbull light and a pack of Dunhill smokes…he stopped there for a while thinking of where to go and how to make it up to her…

How can I make it up to her, think!!!! Ok I need something fast before she wakes up and decides to run away again! Ok let me make a list…

He threw his right hand to the back seat, leaned his head right to look for a pen and a paper…

Ok sooo ummm
Number 1: flowersNumber 2: a ring to propose
Number 3: a teddy bear since she loves them
Number 4: her favorite Fauchon dark chocolate box
Number 5: candles
Number 6: balloons

J needed to change, he had blood all over his dish dasha, he found his soccer outfit in the trunk of his car, since his car was darkly tinted he jumped to the back seats and changed into his sport outfit, he didn’t care how cocky he looked with the Arsenal shirt and the plain black shorts with the TOD'S slippers, he haven’t shaved his mustash and gifil for a while he had the sexy dirty look and his hair was all messed up, it didn’t matter, all that mattered was him trying to get back his love, his baby, his wife,

J went in order, he got the flowers from the Jabrya CO-op, he loved their flowers and always found them luxurious, he got her a bouquet of white and red roses, then he went to get the ring from Chopard La Strada ring, then went across the street to get her a box of chosen chocolates from Fauchon, he chose an elegant box, something that matched up all of the things he already bought, he stopped at marina to bawabat al hadaya, to get her a big brown and beige soft bear that had the words, "Forever mine" on it, he also stopped at the marina party land to get balloons, he filled each balloon with sprinkles, so when he popped them for her sprinkles would fall down on her, he chose pink and red balloons, he took around 17 pieces, the number of memories he cherished with her from the day they met, and last but not least, he went back home to change, to get some candles that were lying around, and to write his proposal speech…

Anonymous users..

Hey everyone,

I want to thank Finicky:* for pointing out that not all my readers could comment on my blog, I just changed that, I am welcoming all points of views and all Feedbacks, thanks and I love you all;**

Feedback;*

Hey everyone;**

I wanted to know how I'm doing so far? Am I Pleasing u? Please answer back the following questions depending on what you think, and all positive and negative feedbacks will be taken into consideration... love you all;***

1. Are my posts long enough?
2. Am I posting enough posts a day?
3. Is my story interesting?
4. Is there anything im not doing well in my story? If yes, please explain what it is
5. Are you enjoying it?
6. Should I give more details or are my details enough for you guys?
7. Do you want me to focus more about me or Hala or J or M?
8. Do you want me to show you the story from more than one point of view or just mine?

Please answer all the questions back numbered, thanks a lot;** I love you!!

Part 12

J: 7abeebty gi3dai ana asef, I don’t know how this all happened I'm so sorry baby wake up (I felt pecking on my neck, face, head, chest, and stomach) baba gi3dai,.. I need you in my life!! (he stroke my hair back with his big manly hands)

"Wa7ashteeeny w jeet as2aal w athen iny 3ala baalik 3ala baalik, 3asa..."

J: aloo?! …. Intai shtabeen!,,, malich shi8el! Shes perfectly ok! thilfai,,, hatha kila yah minich! It was all your fault bitch and believe me I'm going to show you way more of what she have seen today! Thilfai!

He closed the phone in her face and threw his phone across the room, it was all from her?! Was he talking to Hala??! But why would she want to ruin our relationship, I helped her countlessly with hers! I didn’t want to open my eyes and tell him I was awake, I wasn’t ready to face him, I was too tiered,,, he got a pillow from my bed placed it under my head then locked the door of my room, he came back and started to cry and cry, WHATS WRONG WITH HIM! Mr. Bad boy yet sensitive! This time he wasn’t drunk! He smelled so good, and he looked even better, he was wearing a crispy white dish dasha.

Me: la tabchy

At that point I still didn’t open my eyes because one of them hurt me so much! I didn’t need any more pain,

J: 7abeebty lamooy, wallah iny a7ebich, sam7eeeny! Tekfain!

Me: i6la3 bara (with the coldest tone) get out now, la adig 3al shir6a

I wanted to see him, I didn’t know if he would leave or if he would start hitting me again, I was eager to see his reaction; his dish dasha was full of blood! WTF! Am I bleeding that much?! I looked down on my clothes and they were full of blood, my nose was leaking,,, he was so stupid, he didn’t even consider covering it!

J: maby don’t leave me baby please! Call the police, whatever you want, just don’t leave me! Shwai shwai baba lemme help you

I backed off without talking signaling him to get away from me, I got up slowly and leaned my back to the wall I took of my top and covered my nose with it, and it burned!! I was so weak, and I didn’t want to see him! The blood was dropping on my naked chest, which was disgusting!

Me: ithlif now! Get out I don’t want to see you again!

I didn’t really care if he stayed or left! Let him die for all I cared, I slowly got up, not taking any of his offers of help, I went to the bathroom, he was following me slowly, he wanted to catch me if I collapsed again, I closed the door in his face before he entered and locked it, I looked at myself in the mirror and burst out with tears.

I looked horrible! My left eye was completely bruised from the top and I had bruised on my chest hands even my back! I had bumps on my head, my nose was bleeding endlessly, I looked like I came out of a horror scene! I stayed in the bathroom for over an hour sitting on the floor, leaning on the door and crying, so was he, but from the other side of the door, when I felt like I cried out all the anger, I got up washed my face took a quick shower with burning water, just the way I liked it, turned the towel on my body and the other on my hair, when I got out I found him lying on the floor fast asleep, he looked heart breaking! I leaned down to him, held his head with my small soft warm hand…

Me: J wake up, come on

J: HAA sh9arr shfeech?!

Me: yala go home

J: no baby I'm not leaving your side! Baby I'm not going to go anywhere

Me: J it's over, leave!

J: I'm not going anywhere, ok anam 3indich kaifich!

I said that as I walked back into my dressing room, he followed me in and kept on begging, I wore my black C.K. boxer and a random black top… I didn’t care if he was still talking I ignored him,,, I went back to bed got into the cover and made myself comfortable, he came in next to me and put his hands around me as if he was going to hug me, I shrieked and moved away, not because he came close, but because he had touched my bruise, I looked at my phone for the last time that night, I had 4 missed calls and 2 msgs,

Hala: 3 missed calls

Mama: 1 missed call

1 msg received (11:19pm)
Hala: are you ok? 6amneeny? Should I call the police for you??

1 msg received (12:29am)
Mama: I love you honey, I called you and you didn’t answer, I guess you're busy, call me as soon as your done, I just arrived to Paris for a meeting and I'm leaving in 2 days, so tell me what you want from here, take care *kisses*

I thought I would reply back to my mom tomorrow, I didn’t consider replying to Hala, because I didn’t know how she came into our story and I was going to act up as soon as I found out, I looked at the time, it was 1:11am, I turned to find J fast asleep, snoring, I turned to the position that didn’t hurt me anywhere, and fell asleep.

Part 11

I woke up to loud banging on the door, I heard the sounds of both J, and Hala

J: goooomaaaaaai! Ba6lai el baaab la akasra!

Hala: lamooytii open 7abebty please!

J: agooooolich ba6lai, open the door now! NOW!

I opened the lamp next to my bed and looked around to astaw3ib what was going on,,, I took down my hair because my head was aching..

Me: Na3am?!

J: ba6lai el baab la aba6iil rasich!

Me: J please aby anaam, I don’t wanna see you, leave!

J: wallah iny aksir el baaab!! I swear to my mother's grave

He started banging louder; I DIDN’T want to open the door!!

1. I was so scared of what he was going to do
2. I didn’t want to face him
3. I didn’t want to face Hala
4. I didn’t want to know what was going on between them
5. I wanted to sleeeeep!!!!

Hala: open the door Lamaaaa mu nage9na fethaye7!!

Me: I'm not opening w 5ale ely y9eer ey9eer!!!

I picked up my phone to find 41 calls and 1 msg, shockingly every single call was from J, not even Hala called once, the msg said:

J: Daamich ma trideen ana yaayich, w allah yaster bely be9eer feech, mu ana ely ma trideen 3alai, ana awareech!

His threats didn’t matter that much to me anymore since the day he threatened me about lying then he ended up doing nothing, he isn’t the "scary" man I thought he was… Why shouldn’t I open the door? If I wasn’t scared?!! I should open it, let me show him that I'm not scared… uuff bas I don’t want to make it more complicated… bas what if my parents come,, ahhhhhh I don’t know what to do! And who should I ask! Well I'm just going to open up and I hope nothing will happen, before that I went to the bathroom and washed up, freshened up, and not that I'm the religious type but tewathait and 9alait just in case, my heart was beating so fast and the blood was racing throughout my body as if there was a competition to which blood vessel is going to pop first…

J: BA6LAAAAAAAAI LA TYANINEEENY! OPEN! NOW!

Me: if you want me to open , just be quiet and shut up!

Hala: honey please open!!

Me: J, if you want me to open the door I want to see Hala's leave with her car NOW!

I wasn’t going to let the girl that is supposed to be my best friend yet doing something behind me watch me go down with the guy I love, I didn’t want to look small in her eyes, I didn’t want to be dead in front of her…

J: intai imshaiii w y9eer 5air! Just leave!

J: she is leaving!!

I looked out of the window waiting for her to leave, she soon did, and all I could hear in the background were screams to open up the door from J… I got near the door put my hand on the key while I was shaking, It's not normal to be feeling this way!!! Especially from the guy I love! The door was now unlocked, I raaaan back to my bed and hid under the cover just for safety! He opened the door so hard smashing it in to the wall, rushed to me, held me from my hair and started slapping the hell out of me, I was screaming and crying, I was hurting inside out! I pleaded him to let me go but he wouldn’t!

Me: aaaaaaaai wa5eeer, J your hurting me!! (Screaming and crying)

J: chaaaaaaaaaaaaaab your little whore! Who did you leave with from the chalet! Where did you go?!

He kept on saying more things throughout the beating like:

J:
I never knew I was in love with a whore

Go die

I hate you

You deserve this, and I deserve better than you!

Each word he said scared my heart, now I wasn’t crying because of the beating, because at that stage I was numb, I was crying because of the hurting I had inside not out, all I could remember was him pulling my hair, from the bed to the floor, my head hit the floor and he continued slapping it! He slapped me so hard everywhere, I felt liquid run down my face, I could taste it, it was blood, my nose was bleeding, and through all of that I was hysterically begging him to let me go, and he was hysterically taking out his anger, the last hit I recall was the slap he gave me across my face, everything blacked out then I fainted.

Part 10

J dropped me of in front of Hala's chalet; it was 3:21pm, so the girls were probably still swimming in the sea, before I left his car I gathered up all of my belongings… my phone was under the passenger's seat, my bag was in the back seat, and my hair-band was thrown in the back too.

J: Baba, fakrai eb kalamii 3adil then talk to me and tell me rayich…

Me: I told you rayee (I said It in a confident tone)

J: No you didn’t (it sounded like he was teasing me with every word he said, like I was a kid that understood nothing!)

I gave him a dirty look and smashed the door shut as I turned my bag, just to let him kjnow I wasn’t joking about it because come on! Let's face it, I'm 23 years old, I'm not getting any younger, I'm saying no to all the people who come to ya56ibouny, and they were so much better than J in everything, their looks, jobs, personality, family, and everything I couldn’t think of either!!

I went into Hala's chalet's doorway just to show J I was in, when I saw his Porsche leave I came back out and stood in front of the gate waiting for my driver, I took out my phone to find 1 miss cal from Hala at 3pm on the same day, and a msg from the driver telling me he is 2 minutes away, No msgs or calls from either family member?! They didn’t care about me, none of them really did!

I raised my head to find the driver's car parked waiting for me; I rushed there before any of the girls in the chalet would see me… I was so tiered, I needed to take a warm bubble bath and sleep, on the way home I got another missed call from Hala, and I didn’t want to answer anyone that day I silenced my phone, laid down and slept in the back seat!! The drive home was about an hour, I didn’t feel that much since I slept throughout the whole drive!!


Driver: Lama wake up! Here in front home!

I opened my eyes slowly, I was used to his bad English, it wasn’t amusing any more…

Me: driver, here is 20 kd go to chocolate bar il bide3 and I'll msg you my order.

I saw 5 msgs and 7 missed calls, OH so now people realize I'm gone!!!

1 msg sent
1 pink pasta and 1 classic fondue with dark chocolate for all of them.

He understood what I wanted since he went to get me the same order every single day.

I had 5 missed calls and 3 msgs from J and 2 missed calls and 2 msgs from Hala, I started to open each msg and call…

1 msg received (3: 27pm)
Hala: Hey love when are you coming?! *kisses*

J: 2 missed calls

1 msg received (3:44pm)
J: Ha 7abebty, you seem busy, having fun?

J: 1 missed call

Hala: 2 missed calls
1 msg received (4:12pm)
Hala: where are you!!!!! J said he dropped you off a long time ago!!!! Answer=@

J: 2 missed calls

1 msg received (4:12pm)
J: ENTAI WAINICH?! REDE 3ALAI AL7EEEEEN!!

I know this would probably sound mean but I didn’t bother answering them, I didn’t want to, I didn’t care!! They thought I was lost, well I was in my thoughts! I went upstairs, no one was home, as usual, I told the maids that if anyone called to tell them that I wasn’t home, and If anyone came to tell them that I was sleeping and that I didn’t want to see them. I pinned a paper that said, "I AM SLEEEPING DON’T BOTHER WAKING ME UP UNLESS I CALL YOU J". If you want to, you can call me, msg me, or leave a letter under my door. Everyone was used to my way when I sleep, and what's surprising is that the most things I got were letters!! I got into my sanctuary, my safe place, no one could hurt he here, neither mentally nor emotionally! I locked the door, threw the phone on my bed, got into the bathroom opened the tub's hot water, got undressed, opened the vanilla and caramel scented candles in my bathroom and into the warm bath I went. It felt so good, so refreshing, as soon as I was done I wrapped a towel on my body and the other on my head… I got into my changing room and dressed up into my panty and top, opened the A.C. closed the lights, got into my cold bed, as I was about to sleep I wanted another look at my phone, I looked for it on the top of the covers and I had 9 missed calls now, I felt shocked, stunned, and special! All the missed calls were from Hala and J, and I wasn’t planning on answering any of them. I feel asleep moments later…

Part 9

He didn’t realize I knew he was behind me so I acted all casual, when I closed the phone he placed his big warm hands on my stomach and moved them slightly up and down… he started to peck the back of my neck, and bite it slightly, my heart stopped and sunk into my guts…

J: 7abebty

Me: hmm?

J: Meta t9eereen mine forever?

Me: it depends baby

J: on what? (Confused)

Me: on when you purpose

I turned my head to the right till our eyes met and gave him a grin, he smiled back

J: la wallah, (haha) baby I can't wait till my baby is in your stomach, baba I want to live with you forever, I want to grow old with you, 7abebty I could never imagine myself waking up or living a minute without this pretty face and …

Come on!! This has to be when he purposes! These are the perfect words and why would he tell me all this without a ring and do I really want to get married? Yea, but not to him? I wouldn’t be able to breathe!!! I would be cut out of my social circle more than I already am!!!.... But let's face it I love him, why am I thinking in this way, he should give me some time to think about this, ya3ni I don’t know if we would work! What if he… Ahhhh woman he is talking, think later!!!!

J: and everything is done, I just want to know your decision about it, and I hope you're not angry baby, so what do you say?

I turned till we met face to face, and he kept hugging me from the back side, our bodies were touching and we looked perfect, I do imagine him being my husband, he is taller than me, we match up great, we would have hot kids, he held me closer to him and tightened his hands I stayed quiet, I didn’t know what he was really asking me, I was speechless not knowing why!!

J: what do you say 7abooba?

Me: I don’t understand, your words didn’t sink in, can you explain it again? (I cant belive I blacked out of my own proposal)

J: baby I was telling you that I'm going to continue my masters in the US for a year or two

He said it as if he wasn’t hurting; he said it as if it was ok, and all planned out, I was so shocked! He said it with confidence as if he was thinking about it for years! I leaned my head on his cheast…

Me: and??

J: AND I want you to wait for me baby, I don’t want you to be anyone else's, and I would marry you but I just don’t want to get married now, I hope you understand what I mean, I don’t want to lose you, bas lama ma aby atzawaj now, none of my cousins are married, and I don’t want to be the one left out

My eyes opened wide, I rose my head and looked at him with complete shock, It was like a bee had just stung me… From thoughts of wedding bells to a long distance relationship! What is he thinking?

Me: that’s what you're worried about? Being left out? I have been "left out" of my social circle ever since we met and I was fine with it! if it meant that we would be together, because I loved you!

J: it's just a couple of years 7abebty; you just have to wait for me, well stay the same, la t5afeen…

Did he know what he was saying?! Did he realize that he just dropped a bomb on me and he is expecting me to sink it all in?!!! this is basically what he was saying, I want to go and live abroad for a while and I want you to wait for me here for two more years without a proposal and I don’t want to get married because I would rather fuck around with the other women over there than be committed to you!!

Me: I'm sorry, I don’t think that’s going to work out, I don’t want that.

I started to back of my body from this man; he wasn’t the man I loved! He wasn’t my J, my love, my baby... he was a stranger that didn’t want to be near me, as I backed off my eyes filled with tears, his hands held me closer to his body, I started to hit his chest with my hands, I looked like I was a crazy angry person. But who wouldn’t be in my situation?!

Me: waaa5er 3ani, I hate you! I'm not going to wait for you, I don’t care!

I repeated these words as I got more into rage, I hit him harder and harder, he didn’t move except to bring me closer to him and shush me…

J: 7abeebty don’t cry, I'm not leaving for another month or so, we can spend as much time as you want together

Me: a month? That’s enough for you?! How long have you known? I don’t want to be with you, MOVE!!

I screamed from the top of my lungs, I just wanted to be alone, I didn’t want to be around him, and I hated him at that moment! It seemed as if he expected this because he knew exactly how to react to this situation… after nearly 10 minutes of crazy action, I collapsed into his arms and started to cry… now I needed comfort, from the man I loved, him!

J: baby I love you (kissing me on my forehead)

Me: rasy y3awer, I want to leave.

J: yala 7abebty, gomai badlai

I felt weak again, I couldn’t get up to change and I couldn’t move a muscle either…

Me: maby I'm going chethy

J: la wayed g9eer el short, ill change you 7abebty

Why was he acting like he cared?! He didn’t!!!!!

Me: la, I'm leaving chethy

J: getlich la, gomai 7abebty, ma tabeeny abadilich ya 7elwa?

Me: la! Wa5er 3ani, malik shi8el feeny

It was the first time I gave him attitude, and he deserved it, he was leaving me…

J: 7eta lou ma tabeeny ana ma agdar a5alee ily a7ebha te6al3 chethy w a5alee el 9bayaan yshoufounha chethy… a'3aar 3alaich and you know that baby.

I didn’t feel like arguing back I was so tiered my blood pressure was low and after all the drama I couldn’t argue, I wanted to take a long bath and sleep. He carried me into his room and put me on his bed. He gently undressed me till I was just in my panty, he slowly took each hand and put it through the bra straps, his warm hands felt so good touching up my body… he turned to my back to close up my bra…

J: on the second or third?

Me: on the first

He closed it on the second thinking I didn't notice, it was just a matter of 3naad now, anything I said he would do differently, and anything he said I would do differently, it didn’t really matter now. He put my white Marc Jacobs dress on, and put my slippers on for me..

J: sh7alaaatich, yala 7abebty

I didn’t bother answering him, it was pointless… we rode the car so he would drop me to Hala's chalet… I didn’t say a word the whole way and I didn’t feel like seeing her either. He turned on the first CD to the first song, "balaa 7ob balaa wejaa3 galb wish janaa min wara hal 7ob '3air el alam '3air el ta3aab wish janaaa ya naas…"

He held my left knee tight and sang with the song in a teasing tone to make me laugh, I didn’t react or say a word to him I turned my face to the right, tilted my head back and cried, I felt me5tanga, like someone was chocking me, it hurt so much, I couldn’t breathe! It hurt to lose the person I loved…

Really Bad Day:(

Hey everyone I am so sorry I couldn’t write a long post, I have been through so much today,, taboon I cut of my story tell u about it then continue,, or continue my story till I get to todays part?
wallah ana asfa 3al g9oor w i promise you from now on kil youm at least 2 posts a day;*
please answer my question...

Part 8

He came in 20 minutes,,, after the phone call telling me he has to leave, he had an emergency at work, and well I didn’t believe that because let's face it, he works at a bank part time and in his father's company how big could it be?! I accepted his excuse I just didn’t want to cause more problems; he cleaned up the chalet fast and wore his crispy white polo shirt… he doesn’t usually care about how he looks but he literary spent 10 minutes fixing his hair and putting perfume and dressing up.

Me: what are you doing?

J: I have a meeting, a really important one, where am I dropping you?

Me: madrii let me see,,, wain my phone?

J: in the car

Me: ill go get it k?

J: no, just take mine

He tossed me his blackberry, I was dying to know who called him, bas the last call was from "Yuba Paris", his father's Paris line, I smiled, what's wrong with me acting so paranoid??! I dialed the Hala's number 66XXXXXX,,

Hala: hala J, how did our plan go? (Sounding determined that their "plan" worked!)

I couldn’t open my mouth, I was speechless, plan? What plan?

Me: *fake laugh* ee I'm alright ya 7elwa, J needs to leave where should I meet you??

Hala: let him drop you off to Starbux Jula'a

Me: ok, you spoke to my family right?

Hala: yup, your khalty Sara and 3ami fahad are out of the country and Rula is staying over at Leena because she is getting tiered and Faisal is at 7adaag with his friends…

Me: *another shocked laugh* how do you know all this?

Hala: I spoke to Rula for a while and she told me, anyways come on I'll be there in 10 minutes.

Me: ok bye

I said bye in a really low voice not wanting J to know I ended the call, I opened up his msgs to find most his msgs from Hala! The msgs were shocking! They were before and after what happened last night, even before he came to starbux!

I couldn’t understand what was going on anymore? I quickly closed the msgs and opened up the log to see the amount of times they have been contacting without me knowing, it was a couple of times, as I was checking the log history I felt his breath on the back of my neck, I froze, I didn’t want him to know that I found out so I just called the driver telling him to pick me up from Hala's chalet…

Valintines Day;** <3

Hey everyone happy valintines daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay;** i hope you enjoy it and I love you alll;*** I'm so happy you guys are getting hooked w inshalla I'll do my best with the posts,, love you;***

Part 7

I couldn't wait for him anymore I wanted to know what he was doing, I went to the bathroom to freshen up then I went into the dressing room opened the cupboard looked for a long sweater and boxers, I dressed up,,

J: lamaa come to the living room

Me: give me a minute

Put my hair up in a messy bun and 3adalt last night's make-up…

J: yalaaaaaaaaa I'm hungry too!

I went out of the room and saw red flowers on the floor leading to the living room and he had the TV on a random MBC 4, friends was on… this was like my perfect day, J, Mc-deez breakfast, and friends! What could be any better?

Awal ma I came in, he pulled my hand and sat me on his lap, he smelled so good he was wearing his Dolce and Gabbana light blue cologne, his smell was orgasmic,,, he pushed my curly hair back slightly…

J: hala ib lamooytii, you look wonderful!

Me: thanks baby, ok let's eat!!

I gave him a naughty grin, but seriously I was so hungry, I got up and took my Mc muffin,,,, sat in front of the TV he took his food sat next to me and we both started to eat… as soon as we were both done we started to discuss what happened the night before

J: baby tell me what happened yesterday,, I don’t remember what happened after we left starbux…

I took my time explaining to him what happened and what he did, that he drank and drove us to the chalet, then what happened in bed, I kept out his crying part though, I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed in front of me, I didn’t want to ruin what we had…

J: 7abeebty lamooy, laish itchathbeen 3alai?

Me: ya3nii J, itha u knew we were going out with M would you have said ok?

J: la

Me: exactly, w kil ma kint agoulek come with us shenu kint tgoul?

J: I'm busy weya ahalee w rab3ee, ana asef 7abeebty, wa3aad eny bat'3ayar

He gave me a smile, but I didn’t give one back

Me: do you realize what you made me go through last night? Do u realize the horror I went through? Do you know how I felt? (each question I asked my voice got higher and my eyes teared up more)

J: 7abebty ana asef walla ma kaan 8a9dii

Me: it doesn’t matter now,

He pulled my head to his chest, and started to kiss my fore head… I know what I was doing was wrong, getting all sensitive, but imagine what I have been through the night before in starbux, then in the car, then when we got there, then in bed, yet he wouldn’t remember what happened!

J: ya3nii daloo3a??

I looked up at him, with puppy eyes

Me: shrayek?

He gave me his big smile and his dimples were so perfectly carved into his cheeks, he put his thumb on my cheeks and wiped off my tears, and looked closely into my eyes,

J: ma aby ashouf dam3itic h tanzil min 3ainich again, baby your special to me

Me: baby I love u

J: I love u too

We sat there watching more of friends, his phone rang again, but this time he didn’t answer it in front of me he left the room, It was surly something very important, I guess it was work or something..

Part 6

I woke up the next day by his warm big lips pecking mine, his big warm hand playing with my hair lightly and his other hand holding me close to his big body,,, I opened my eyes and gave him a smile wanting this to last forever,,, his eyes gave me a vibe, the "be my wife" vibe… Then I turned and gave him my back, he hugged me even tighter than ever…

J: t7ibeene?

Me: moot

J: bas mu akthar meny 9aa7?

Me: 9aaa7

He knew I was teasing him,,, so he held me tight and started to tickle me,, I couldn’t stop laughing,,,

Me: hahaha J stoooooop!!!!

He continued tickling me in all my sensitive areas, my stomach my neck and the soul of my feet, I couldn’t get him to stop, I was laughing so much and so loud that I forgot about my family!!! As soon as I remembered I turned to him and looked at him so scared, he stopped tickling me

J: honey don’t give me that look, your killing me, I msged Hala and told her that we were here and that we are going to figure everything out, she told me that was alright, she called your mom explaining that you accidently slept on the couch at her house and that you were going to her chalet the next day as planned, your mom agreed…

I felt relief! He knew me so well, he knew when I was going to cry or laugh, or when I was happy or sad or mad, he knew my thoughts and what each look I gave him meant!!

Me: uff J I want a break!

I said that with a smile on my face yet his smile turned into a frown…

J: laaish min ams? I swear I am so sorry baby I know I over reacted baby I didn’t mean anything I swear, you know how much I love you w how much a'3aar 3alaich, and you lied to me baby, I was shocked and you know I always do things I don’t mean and…

As he said his last words I gave him a big kiss on his lips to shush him,,, I gave him a kiss that showed how much I wanted him right there right now, I wanted him forever and I simply wanted him to shut up, I gave him the "I'm hungry for u " kiss. We kissed for a few minutes then he stopped

J: baby why do you want a break?

Me: I want you to love me more and miss me more and need me more (then I blushed)

J: feedaaait ely yisti7ooon

Me: J shhh!! (blushing more)

J: baby do you know how lucky I am that I have found u?!

Me: how lucky? (With half a smile)

I didn’t want to discuss our love; well I did but not in words, in tongue.

J: I am so lucky because I know you're going to be the one I wake up every day looking at, baby you're so beautiful and your all mine no one else's…

As he was talking his black berry rang…

I loved his song it was Rashid al Majid's song "Wa7ashteeeny w jeet as2aal w athen iny 3ala baalik 3ala baalik, 3asa maa shaar..."

Raju: Yes Sir, I am outside

J: Yala I'm coming

He quickly got up wore his jeans and told me to close my eyes till he got back and not to move!!
As usual he took too long and I feel asleep,, he came in screaming

J: LAMOOOOOOOOOOOO WAKE UP!! YA 7ELWA WAKE UP

Ber3a ba6alt my eyes, I saw him standing with his topless sexy perfect body, with his dolce jeans, holding a tray with my favorite breakfast, McDonalds, and he had this big smile that showed both dimples, his hair was to his neck and curved out and he had a dirty beard which I loved.

Me: allllaaaaaaah i want come on!!! Come here!!

J: no wait

He left with the tray again…

Part 5

He hit his chalet door with his right leg and stopped,,, he looked at me…

J: la tabcheen!

But the more he said it the more I was scared, not just because I lost the man of my life, but about not knowing what's going to happen and by what my parents are going to do to me!! He still didn’t move, he repeated the words "la tabcheen" as if I could easily stop, but I couldn’t!! Because I wasn’t at the normal stage of crying where a couple of tars flow down your eyes then if you stop you'll smile and say "everything is going to be alright"! I was crying the way a kid cries if he fell on his bike and got hurt, the type of crying that you couldn’t breathe and you're repeatedly took big short breaths…

I turned to look at the chalet and it was all dark, when he opened the lights his chalet was empty,,, he took me to his room and placed me slowly on his bed,,, I was shaking really hard…

J: LAMA shfeech! (he had this concerned look on his face)… basich bachee!

Then he left the room,,, where did he go?! I didn’t dare move a muscle, all I did was move my hand into the pocket of my dress to get my phone but it wasn’t there,,, the minutes passed as if they were days,,, just like that I fell asleep…

I must have not slept for long cause I wasn’t deep enough into my sleep,,, I felt him come in and covering me up with a thick blanket,,, he was doing something with his phone then he threw it on the bed,, he placed his hand (which seemed warmer) on my forehead and leaned down to kiss it with his big lips… then he turned to my back side and slowly came into bed, hugged me and started pecking my back … Then there was something else… there was an action I never thought I would hear or see him do!

OMG!! As he was pecking my back he was crying! I couldn’t believe it,,, he wasn’t the 7asaas type, it was never expected for him to cry for me! A girl that just betrayed him…

I turned around slowly and looked into his eyes and realized the pain that I was causing him,,, he just wanted to be loved,,, he wanted me to be the mother he never had he wanted me to take care of him,,,

Me: baba la tabchy…

I gave him a peck on his lips

J: walla a7ebich laish tsaween feeny chethy?!

Me: ana asfa 7agek 3alai baby, I love you,, im yours,,, and ill explain what happened tomorrow…

Then he leaned his head into my cheats and continued to cry till he fell asleep. I couldn’t sleep, I remembered everything he told me, about his mom passing away when he was three and how he never got love since his father was always traveling for work and that he was an only child. I realized that the only reason he drank was to express his feelings, he was drunk, he probably wouldn’t remember what he just did before falling asleep… I started playing with his hair till I fell asleep too.

part 4

All I know is that I woke up in his car, in the passenger seat… I opened one eye at a time slowly not wanting him to know that I woke up! There was no sound except for him heavily breathing…

I was helpless, scared, frightened and all I could see was his hand dig into the back seat, I quickly closed my eyes, he pulled out a bottle… he started to drink…the bottle was see through glass with the words "SMIRN OFF VODKA" all I could think of was the situation I was in,, and him getting drunk!!

Shasawee? A6ali3 my phone w adig? Inzaain 3ala minu??! What if he notices the light of the phone or hears a sound?? Where is he taking me? What if he really does kill me? Then I started to regain my senses,,, I tried to figure out i7na ib ay share3 by looking at the signs but I couldn’t see any since my chair was low and my head was down to my right sholder…

I looked out of the side mirror and all I could see were random cars passing by,,, where were M and Hala? Were they going to help me? I couldn’t stop thinking,,, shwai wela he stops at the side of the road,,, and he took my left hand gently while holding his vodka bottle in his left hand,,, his hands were still so cold, with no feelings of love or caring!!

J: goumai!

I stayed silent, I didn't want to face anything!!

J: baba goomai 5alna netfaham… la t5afeen many msaweelich shai…

I still didn’t respond

J held my left shoulder and started to shake me,,

J: goooomai (in his uneven drunken voice) lamoooo gooomai,,

I slowly opened my eyes acting like I just woke up,, my heart was beating so fast I felt as if he was going to smash the bottle into my head and kill me,, I felt as if he wanted to kill me,,, throw me out into the desert and leave me there to die,,, or for strangers to rape me,,, as I was opening my eyes I was looking around to see if I recognized anything,,, I did!! We were in front of his chalet,,,

J: yala nizlai!

Me: wain?

J: let's discuss this inside…

I was so tiered I couldn’t move, my legs were hurting they were so weak at the moment, and i couldn't look at him my head was down the whole time!!

Me: ma feeny, ryouly y3awroun

J: k ni6rai…

He opened his door and got out as he finished his vodka bottle and threw it into the bara7a,,, he turned to my side and opened the door,,, at that moment I thought that he would pull me out of the car with my hair or scream at me to get out, but all he did was gently carry me into his well builted body and hold me tight till we got in… as soon as my body touched his and my head touched his chest my heart raced faster than ever,, I wanted to scream "I LOVE U" and "YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE I WANT" but how could I? I just betrayed him!!! Then I started to cry and cry till we got into the chalet,,,

Part 3!!

I was so scared!! This was the first time he had that look in his eyes, even though we fought all the time but he could never resist me, I used to always win… But this time was different,, as Hala continued blabbering about what she did in university that day M noticed the look on my face, he noticed my face turning yellow then he interrupted Hala..

M:Lamo Shfeech?

I couldn't say one word! All that went through my mind was shagoula? What is he gunna do? Shenu betkoun his reaction?

He always warned me about this! Lying to him,, He always said "Itha I ever find out you lied to me ib shai athbi7ich!" he constantly said that when he was drunk! Even once I was in LA and I was joking around about going clubbing (which I eventually did without him knowing) at first he claimed he didn't care then about an hour later he called me (mukalama min il kuwait) w fully drunk just to tell me ina etha re7t he'll kill me w etha chakny weya a guy he'll also kill me! He always said that he drank when he was mad..and that he always drank cause I made him mad all the time and that's the way he let his anger and feeling since he could always be honest when he is drunk…

All I could here in the background was..

Hala: 7abebty shfeech?

*No response from me*

Hala: 7abebe shfeeeha?! (turning) ohhhh shit!

M: shfeech lama? Shfeeech entail ba3ad??

Hala: it's J, M tekfa kalma tefaham weya goula y we r here!!!

Hala knew everything about him and how crazy he was!! As he came closer Hala's voice became louder..

Hala: M do something!!!!

M couldn't do anything, he didn't want to get in the middle of something complicated.. I didn't blame him at all because I knew it wasn't his fault and It isn't his responsibility to fight for me or to get into trouble for me...

Anyways ana jemadt I couldn't move a muscle and all I saw was him getting closer and all I felt was my heart beating faster and his cold hand grabbing me by the back of my neck… slowly I felt so numb then nothing, it was black…

comments;**

Hey sorry 3al g9oor again w please comment and tell me what you think about the posts

I'll accept all ur point of views and i hope you enjoy my story;**

Part 2!!

The first few months of our relationship he used to call me, tell me he loved me, treat me like his baby, and I fell HARD for him!! I thought that this would be the man of my life... that's how i saw him! That's how I saw my future with him...

I thought that he would always take care of me! I imagined it clearly (as we always discussed)...

Well live in a big house, with two wonderful children, a boy named Khalid and a daughter named lulu. We would take care of our kids, never fight, spoil them, and have a perfect life.

This dream of ours ended the day he slapped me at the coffee shop! It all started when...

My friend called me up begging me to go with her, since she wanted to meet up with her boyfriend M. They were a couple for 3 years that day and he wanted to give her a gift... i tried getting out of it but she insisted, and how could I let my best friend down?!! Plus she never went without me!!

Hala was shorter than me in a bit, she had hazel eyes and short dark brown straight hair. She always put bands and dressed up. She was jameela, she always had the perfect yet simple makeup, and whenever she showed up into a room the attention would instantly go to her… she was thin, but not to the bones… she had small features, small eyes with a small nose and small lips, all simple!!! I looked completely different and that’s why our moms always made fun of us because we looked like opposites… I had shoulder length caramel hair that was always curly I always wore it down simple and plain. I loved wearing dresses that were also so simple… I was taller than she was and I had big eyes that barley had make up on, big lips and a small nose. I was also thin, but not to the bones.

So *knowing how jealous and strict he could be* I msged him telling him I was going to Starbux 3dalia with hala (my friend) to hang out. He approved telling me he was going to go out with his cousins to the dewania then to the gahwa and he told me I shouldn't be late. As we got into the drive way M called hala, bas since she was driving she threw the phone to me (as usually!)

I answered:

Me: aloo

M: hala ya 3omri ,, ya rou7i,, ya galbii

Me: *Laughing out loud* no no I'm lamaaa!!

M: ohhh shit I'm sorry, can I talk to hala please

Me: she's parking the car;p

M: tell her to seriously stop doing that, I'm upstairs!

Me: k bye

M: bye

Closed the phone

Hala: haha did he do it again?

Me: yea, laughing

Hala: he's going to kill me, is he here yet?

Me: yea he's upstairs

Hala: k comes on

Even though they spent 3 years together, hala didn't like seeing him alone.. She thought that if anything happened between them it would ruin their whole relationship. Well I never believed any of that!! I always thought that any boyfriend and girlfriend should have their time alone.. They should do whatever they did and it wouldn't be wrong since they were together. Yet, he respected that from her and never really asked for anymore that what she offered.

We sat there for over an hour drinking coffee and chatting..

Msg

J: wainich baba?

Me: 7abebe I told u!!;*

J: still in starbux il 3dalia?

me: yea , feek shai?

J: la 7obi,, brou7kum?

me: ee baba laish?

J: la bas as2al, ok hun enjoy:*

I smiled at the msg, as soon as I looked up from my phone there he was at the top of the staircase looking at me, his eyes were full of fire, he was so mad, why was I with a guy? he wondered, my heart started beating and I felt the blood shooting through my veins then...

Sorry;**

Heeey im so sorry i ddnt post for a long time but I wasnt in the country, I was in Lebanon and all blog you guys all about it,,
thanks for commenting i appreciate it;***

Part 1!!

This is how my life started out, hope you enjoy it.

Well, my name is Lama and Im blessed with two loving sisters and a brother. Yet, since Im the youngest im the spoiled one!! everyone takes care of me at home and I have amazing friends, but my life isnt thaat perfect!!

I have been through so much with my family and friends that i have lost trust in most of them! This is my chance to show the world what i mean!!

As long as i can remember my story started when i met "J". THE LOVE OF MY LIFE (as I thought). Well as you might have guessed I was wrong! I thought J was the best thing that ever happened to me, he was the first guy i have ever dated. He was the first guy I spoke on the phone to. He took so much care of me, and even though my family thought they were doing a good job, they werent!

So this was my life:
Mama (always out of the country to do buisness, she never gave me the chance to open up to her about my personal life)
Baba (was always out 7adaag or in the chalet or in the dewania or just working as hell) they were both work-aholics!
Leena (was my oldest sister, she was married to the man of her dreams, he was honest, handsome, loving, a great father, and he was always under her demands, so she was always busy with her life and the fact that she is now in her 8th month of pregnancy)
Faisal (was my brother, we always fought and played together, he says im the brother he never had, i loved him so much!! he was so sweet, so kind, he understood everything about me!!)
and last but not least my favorite Rula (my big sis, i always depended on her, and she always dependent on me, but even though i helped her with her problems she would never allow me to date and i couldnt open up to her either.. but i love her)

So all i had was J he was my shinning armer! i loved everything about him, his smell, his touch, his smile, his laugh, his stories, and the most thing i loved was how he made me his little angel and spoiled me, looking from it on the outside it looks perfect. Yet, as soon as you get to the inside it becomes ugly:s...

About me;*

Hey everyone,
Im lama, and i would like to share my stories with you, Im not planning on telling you what happened in my past but I also want to share my future with you.. I hope you can help me figure out my problems and enjoy my blogs. Please dont judge me because you dont know how hard it is to be me (TRUST ME). Inshalla ma ra7 a6awel to give you updates, hope you like them;**